


Loving Him Was Red

by toews



Category: Hockey RPF
Genre: M/M, Miscommunication, Pining, Porn with Feelings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-24
Updated: 2016-02-24
Packaged: 2018-05-22 23:37:34
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,218
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6097643
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/toews/pseuds/toews
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“Let me do this for you,” for me, Jonny could add, Patrick knows he means. </p>
<p>Patrick used to think Jonny's eyes were as rich in color as they were his love. He's got a bitter physical tug on his heart for how foolish it makes him feel every fucking time he looks into them now. Patrick knows Jonny for what he is now and couldn't for a second forget why he's doing this.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Loving Him Was Red

**Author's Note:**

> I had this up before, but I didn't like it so I changed it.

Patrick tugs Jonny into their hotel room, shutting the door softly. When he turns to Jonny, he's focused right on him, leaning his head against the door with a thud. His eyes flutter shut, a smile pulling at his lips. A slow, lazy smile that catches Patrick’s heart every time,  _Patrick's smile_. Right now, it's pulling at Patrick's stomach in more ways than it used to. Patrick doesn’t dwell on it and turns to enter the room further.

“C’mon, Jonny, get into bed.” Patrick holds Jonny’s hand before attempting to guide him further into the room. Jonny doesn’t follow, just squeezes his hand and pulls Patrick back to him. He lets out a long breath, opening his eyes to stare at Patrick solemnly, tilting his head to the side. They stay like that for a few breaths, with Jonny’s eyes flickering between Patrick’s and Patrick looking anywhere but at them before Jonny’s smile turns sad.

“Pat, they hate me,” He whispers. Patrick can smell the alcohol this close and looks away, busies himself with removing Jonny’s dark blue suit from his body to keep from forming a returning sad smile.

“Pat,” Jonny starts lifting his arms so Pat can remove his jacket and shirt, words getting lost in fabric. He's got his hands on Patrick’s shoulders to steady himself while Patrick removes his shoes and socks. Patrick refuses to think about the many times Jonny’s done the same thing for him or the many times they’ve undressed each other without being drunk. When it was more about getting into bed than it was putting each other to bed.

“Pat, the team hates me. We lost because of me. We’re not making the playoffs because of me. My parents, they didn’t come. They still think I’m a fa--”

“Jonny, c’mon. Let’s go to bed.” Patrick insists, standing  up, his stomach dropping at the words. He watches Jonny while unbuckling his belt and shoving his pants down. Jonny just grips Patrick’s shoulders tighter, bringing him in close. He brushes Patrick’s cheeks searching his wide eyes.

“You still need me.” Jonny says a little louder, then asks, “Right, Pat?”  voice wavering. Jonny pulls their bodies flush together so Patrick can taste his exhale on his lips. Then he pauses and examines Patrick carefully this time. Patrick can’t understand what he’s thinking but sees his eyes become even more brown and vulnerable than before.

“It’s been eight fucking months, Pat. Everything’s been worse, ever since you and I--“

Patrick pulls Jonny down for a kiss. He tells himself he doesn't want to get into it as he scatters wet kisses across his collarbone and chest. Jonny takes in a sharp inhale before pushing Pat off gently.

“No, Pat. Don’t you need me? It’s always about me. What about you? Remember when you needed me?” Patrick doesn’t answer, can't answer.

They get king bed every time they're on the road. The guys like to joke that they didn't need that big of a bed to fuck when Patrick's so small. He used to coo how jealous they were, where Jonny's ears would pink. Patrick can't help but guffaw at how they have much more room to put between themselves. Now though, he pushes Jonny onto the bed until he's spread out. He sheds his clothes quickly before crawling onto him, resuming kisses on his neck. Jonny lets out a shallow moan before pushing Patrick down onto the bed and hovering over him.

“Let me do this for you,” _for me_ , Jonny could add, Patrick knows he means. He’s brushing Patrick’s cheeks and stares into his eyes a moment before leaning down to kiss him hard on the mouth. Their teeth clank for a second and then Jonny’s licking into his mouth and kissing him like he can't get enough.

Jonny pulls back panting, leading a trail of gentle wet kisses down Patrick’s torso that Patrick knows he'll trace later like wounds. His hands that were roaming everywhere his lips couldn’t touch are now slipping his boxers off and down Patrick’s legs. He’s licking and biting at Patrick’s inner thighs and whispering, “tell me what you want, Kaner.” into the skin there. Patrick tugs his hands into Jonny's hair, forcing him to look up at him.

Patrick used to think Jonny's eyes were as rich in color as they were his love. He's got a bitter physical tug on his heart for how foolish it makes him feel every fucking time he looks into them now. Patrick knows Jonny for what he is now and couldn't for a second forget why he's doing this.

“You.” Patrick finally manages to say, barely audible. His face is flushed red and Patrick thumbs at his lips, letting it slip in. Jonny sucks on it, eyes staring right into his own. Jonny looks determined as he licks a long wet stripe along the bottom of Patrick’s dick. Patrick inhales deeply, letting the desire pool in his stomach, relishing in it. It’s been eight fucking months.

Jonny’s lips upturn into a mischievous smile upon hearing Patrick’s noises. He looks up at him while tonguing at Patrick’s head. Patrick squeezes his hair tighter and shifts insistently.

“C’mon Jonny, you can do better. Remember when I needed you? Don't you want me to need you?”

Jonny wraps his mouth around Patrick taking him in until his lips meet the hand that’s wrapped around the base. He keeps a tight suction while moving slow enough to drive Patrick insane. Patrick wraps his feet to rest on the swell of Jonny’s ass and digs his heels there at the intensity of it all.

“Please.” Kaner pleads, the pleasure becoming too overwhelming. Jonny responds by moving off him which in turn makes Pat let out an involuntary whine.

“Jonny...” Patrick trails off when he feels what must be a saliva soaked finger at his hole; it's not like he's been lubing up with Jonny on the other side of the bed this whole time.

Jonny starts pumping his dick as he pushes his finger in, watching him take it. Patrick doesn't know what to think of it, closes his eyes and enjoys the desire that he could never quite recreate with his own hands.

“More,” He says in a low voice. Jonny keeps two fingers playing inside him as he wraps his mouth back around Patrick’s dick. He keeps going, relaxing his throat, until his nose is flush against Patrick’s pubic bone.

He glances down at Jonny to see his hooded, dark eyes staring Pat down. Jonny's focus always feels like a drug to Pat. He feels swamped in the moment every time and it makes his dick twitch. Patrick bites his lip to cover his moan, then thinks better of it, letting it out. This is what Jonny needs. This is why he’s doing this. And if anyone hears them, Patrick wants them to know.

Patrick lets out a soft, dragged out, “fuck,” while Jonny's other hand grabs Patrick’s, placing it on his hair. Jonny opens his mouth wider and stops moving, looking up into Patrick’s eyes. Patrick can't, his eyes flutter shut and he honest to god doesn't know if he groans or screams, Jonny's name so he doesn't blow his load.

Jonny’s never done this before. Never let Patrick fuck his mouth. Not without an arm over his hips or _something_. However Patrick has no qualms about stopping him now. Even if Patrick has wanted this for so long, it’s not about that; Jonny needs this. So he starts moving.

“You take it so good. Everyone knows how bad you want my cock. You do, though, don’t you? You love it. ” Patrick starts saying while fucking up into Jonny’s mouth. “Your mouth was meant for this. Just for me. You’re mine, aren’t you, Jonny? Everyone knows it. You know it.” Can't help but love the way Jonny hums around him, like he's gotta agree, like maybe he want's Patrick to know it's true.

Patrick opens his eyes as much as he can to take in the sight of Jonny between his legs, taking it desperately while fucking Patrick’s ass with his fingers. His eyes are blown dark and his lips are swollen red. His focus is on Patrick’s eyes and he can see his own desire reflecting in them.

Patrick gets out a quick, “I’m close,” when Jonny’s pulling back out of his reach. Jonny brushes Patrick’s prostate, forcing Patrick to open his eyes to meet Jonny’s. He’s can't even register Jonny’s “come on me if I'm yours, then,” he’s stuck on how absolutely ruined and grainy his voice is, wants him to keep talking.

However, when Jonny drags out his name and begs him, “Patrick. Please come,” as if he’s desperate for it, yeah Patrick's coming. Jonny works him through it with his hands and “Yeah, baby. Patrick, that’s it.” like encouraging words; he probably realized what his wrecked voice was doing. He gets his come all over himself and some along Jonny’s chin and neck.

Patrick makes an unashamed mewl sound before smiling, blissful. He looks down at Jonny and pulls him up for a gentle kiss. Jonny’s knees land on either side of Patrick’s stomach and his left arm reaches towards the headboard to hold on while his right hand cradles Pat’s face. His kisses turn hungrier and Patrick reaches to wrap a warm hand around him, but Jonny just slaps him away.

He continues to mouth at Patrick’s neck, sucking a bruise behind his ear while dragging his right hand across Patrick's stomach. Jonny pulls off, looking down, so Patrick follows his eyes. Jonny’s dick his fucking up into a fist that’s covered and dripping with Patrick’s come.

“Fuck,” Patrick’s pretty sure they both say. But when Patrick looks at his face hovering inches away, Jonny’s eyes are trained on him.

“You’re so dirty,” Patrick says lowly, letting one hand reach up so he could thumb as Jonny’s swollen lips again. Jonny wraps his lips around it, sucking, watching Patrick as his breath hitches.

“You love sucking on me, getting me off don’t you?” He says half wondrous, half amazed at the desire and desperation in Jonny’s eyes.

“Only you make me feel like that.” He whispers, “it’s always been you.” Patrick says seconds before Jonny’s mouth releases his thumb and crashes back down to his. He’s kissing him frantically and maybe he knows it’s almost the end. He pulls back just enough to really look at him, panting wetly against Patrick's lips, fucking into his first harder now.

Patrick turns his head to kiss at Jonny’s arm and mumbles “Jonny, yeah. C’mon for me. Please.” around them.

He looks back at Jonny’s eyes and reaches his hand down to wrap around Jonny’s then to push it out of the way, creating a much slower pace than Jonny had set. Jonny’ closes his eyes, kisses Patrick fervently.

“Come for me, don't you love this? C'mon please, you know I did.” Patrick begs against his lips to which Jonny sighs and let's go. Pleased, Patrick kisses him and pumps him through it. Jonny collapses next to Patrick, turning his head for another kiss. Patrick kisses back earnestly, but nowhere near as frantic. Jonny’s kissing him like he's trying to hold on.

It’s not until he’s mumbling, “love you too,” against Patrick’s lips that Patrick realizes that maybe he took it too far, maybe he got too lost in the moment-- too lost in Jonny. So, if he kisses Jonny a little harder then presses his lips against Jonny’s a little slower and gentler for no one’s sake but his own, he’ll never tell.

Jonny goes to the washroom and returns with a damp washcloth to clean up the mess. He tosses the washcloth in the bin near the bed and pulls the covers over them after settling in. Jonny shifts to his side, facing Patrick. His eyes are weary but absorbed with a heavy longing that looms on Patick.

"Pat?"

Patrick lifts his hand to palm at his cheek, which Jonny leans into.   
"C'mon Jonny let's go to bed." He whispers as softly as he can, voiding the thick emotion he feels. Pat turns over, allowing his body to remain flushed against Jonny's.

Jonny wraps his arm around him, resting his head against Patrick’s; Patrick feels his warm breath against his cheek. He thinks maybe Jonny’s about to sleep but he feels him open his mouth, pausing. His voice is fucked out and raw when he lowly croaks out, "Do you still love me?"

Patrick closes his eyes tightly, feels the silence stretch as his heart drops. Jonny doesn't say anything else, but he does tighten his arm around Patrick, as if he believes Pat would leave, as if he could. Patrick opens his eyes and stares at the strip on window that peeks between the poorly closed curtains. He counts Jonny's breaths until they fall even.

If he wishes so bad that he could not know what he does now, that he could go back to the way things were before. If he wishes it so bad because maybe it would hurt less to say that yes, he still does, he always has, he always will, never stopped loving him. Well, it's nobody's business but his own.

**Author's Note:**

> Let me know if I should create prequel/sequel chapters! First time posting my work so I'm very nervous! I would love feedback.


End file.
